literature

deceiving myself

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Literature Text

back then,
the night never told her shadow
that she was the enemy;
she wasn't lost and insecure,
her stars weren't dimming.

back then,
words were foreign
because her demons
were fledglings,
and her foundation to believe
were a pair of black ballerina slippers.

back then,
she danced in a little upstairs room
at a studio run by an instructor
collaborating on a new era
with old way of thinking.

and to this day,
one particular class
still snags at her skin
and yanks at her hair
with a force of remembrance
and idiocy.

and to this day,
she can still recall
that smoothly running routine;
and one of the more clumsy girls
accidentally yanking down
the silk curtain
covering a third
of the merrier wall.

and to this day,
that large, gaping hole
housing a deep blackened abyss
still sticks out in her mind;
the shattered glass,
the mangled wood,
the miscellaneous pieces of furniture
all lying haphazardly together.

she remembers
the girls herding together
murmuring about phantoms
that could be lurking within the wall

she remembers
her teacher with that
too tight bun and skin tight suit
in her poised complexion
with arched eyebrows, her lips in a scowl;
little girls didn't like horror

she remembers
giving her first fake smile
to her
and saying in a girlish tone
"Maybe there's beautiful ballerinas."
the girls all looked at each other
and she did too
because her lie was paper thin-
but no one wanted to be in trouble
for not acting lady-like
in the teacher's presence.

back then
and to this day
she remembers
that woman
and that satisfied clap of her hands
for her little perfect ballerinas
to return to their routine.
Even back then I liked horror, heh.
I used to dance when I was a bit younger, it was so much fun even if one of my instructors didn't always meet eye-to-eye with her students. And yes, for a while I had black ballerina slippers instead of pink ones, I loved those things. :heart:
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